"I cannot rip out the hearts of those who hurt you. I cannot hand you their severed heads". But Rochester, N.Y. injury-law advertiser Jim ("The Hammer") Shapiro could promise to "squeeze them for every dime I can":
For more, see Apr. 15, 2005. Shapiro's ethically-challenged and now-defunct legal practice did a notably poor job of living up to its promises; see Jun. 17-18, 2002, May 24, 2004, etc.
you are sure this was not from Comedy central