Bob

Up in Glacier National Park, the grizzly bears eat campers almost every year.

We simply cannot be held liable every time you “accidentally” drop an anvil on yourself, causing you to look like a living accordion in the process.

Oddly, you seem to be just fine less than ten seconds later, and quite frankly our lawyers think you only wear the leg cast or bandages on your head in a futile attempt of insurance fraud. We’ve seen – literally hundreds of different times – how you fall off a cliff, make a coyote-shaped hole in the ground, and yet manage not to be a bag of skin filled with pulverized bones and internal-organ stew.

On the advice of counsel, we are blocking your phone numbers, IP address, and – if it comes down to it – we will sue YOU for harassment.

Consider this matter closed.

As a youth, I qualified for the Olympic Goat Goring event, but then Jimmy Carter had to go and boycott The Olympics.