The streetlamps are on in Chicago tonight
And lovers a-gazin’ at stars
The stores are all closin’ and Daley is dozin’
And the fat man is counting the cars

And there’s more cars than places to put ’em, he says
But I’ve got room for them all
So ’round ’em up boys, ’cause I want some more toys
In the lot by the grocery store

To me, way, hey, tow them away
The Lincoln Park Pirates are we
From Wilmette to Gary, there’s nothin’ so hairy
And we always collect our fee

So it’s way, hey, tow ’em away
We plunder the streets of your town
Be it Edsel or Chevy, there’s no car too heavy
And no one can make us shut down

We break into cars when we gotta
With hammer and pickaxe and saw
And they said this garage had no license
But little care I for the law

Our drivers are friendly and courteous
Their good manners you always will get
‘Cause they all are recent graduates
Of the charm school in Joliet

To me, way, hey, tow them away
The Lincoln Park Pirates are we
From Wilmette to Gary, there’s nothin’ so hairy
And we always collect our fee

So it’s way, hey, tow ’em away
We plunder the streets of your town
Be it Edsel or Chevy, there’s no car too heavy
And no one can make us shut down

And when all the cars are collected
And all of their fenders are ruined
Then I’ll tow all the boats in Belmont Harbor
To the Lincoln Park Lagoon

And when I’ve collected the ransom
And sunk all the ones that won’t yield
I’ll tow all the planes that are blocking the runways
At Midway, O’Hare, and Meigs Field

To me, way, hey, tow them away
The Lincoln Park Pirates are we
From Wilmette to Gary, there’s nothin’ so hairy
And we always collect our fee

So it’s way, hey, tow ’em away
Now citizens, gather around
And I think it’s enough, let’s call his bluff
Let’s throw the bum out of town

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