Mistaken for Michael Jordan, so he sues

By reader acclaim: Allen Heckard of Portland, Ore. “says he’s been mistaken as Michael Jordan nearly every day over the past 15 years and he’s tired of it.” So he’s suing the basketball star and Nike founder Phil Knight for $832 million in all. “’I’m constantly being accused of looking like Michael and it makes it very uncomfortable for me,’ said Heckard. Heckard is suing Jordan for defamation and permanent injury and emotional pain and suffering. He’s suing Knight for defamation and permanent injury for promoting Jordan and making him one of the most recognized men in the world.” Why $832 million, exactly? “Well, you figure with my age and you multiply that times seven and ah, then I turn around and ah I figure that’s what it all boils down to.” That’s no more arbitrary as a calculation than some damage assertions we can think of that have done very well in court (Pat Dooris, “Local man sues Jordan, Nike for resemblance”, KGW, Jul. 7)(& more). Update Aug. 3: he drops case.

12 Comments

  • As a future lawyer concerned about the reputation of our profession, I’m so glad this was filed Pro Se.

    “Allen Heckard filed the suit himself, June 29th in Washington County Court.”

  • This is great! But it doesn’t help me. Can I sue some hansome guy for setting women’s expectations above my level?

  • At least he isn’t asking that Michael Jordan have plastic surgery. Of course, they would only alter 2/3 of Michael’s face and 1/3 of his own lawyer’s face.

  • Now if he had been mistaken for Michael Jackson, he might have had a defamation case…

  • how old is this guy? 832 divided by 7 is 118.85 – how can he look like a 44 year old Michael Jordan if he’s 118?

  • And Michael Jordan’s countersuit is obveous: He is sometimes mistaken to be a complete nobody and it must be the fault of this guy. He would be owed as damanges one million dollars for each woman who failed to recognize him as a superstar and therefore failed to sleep with him.

  • Funny, my wife often calls out Michael Jordan’s name at the, er, most inopportune times. I guess Heckard’s not the only one with this problem.

  • The $832 Million quote is slightly out of context– the article suggests that his twisted mathematics is the reason for suing Nike and Jordon each for $416 million, meaning that his age is 59.4…million. He’s a dinosaur! I wonder where he got the number 7 [million] as an appropriate factor, and why 7 isn’t a denominator of the number he ended up with.

  • Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?? Every time I think it can’t get worse, it does. I thought a lard-ass suing McDonalds was bad, but this is the worst I’ve seen yet. Thank goodness that MJ has enough millions that he won’t even blink spending a few hundred thousand to “defend” this case. If he offers even one penny to this jackass as a settlement, I will develop serious doubts about the future of mankind. Hopefully this will land on the desk of a judge who has more than 2 active brain cells, and it will get tossed. If I were the judge, I would not only throw it out, but I would find some way to fine this jackass for wasting the court’s time.

  • Why does the Michael Bolton scene from Office Space come to mind here?

  • Thanks LAN3 – that makes a little more sense…

  • The Frivolous Lawsuit Dream Team

    For reasons that I will disclose at some future point, I have a need to brush up on my frivolous litigation blogging.

    So here’s a “speed round” of silly lawsuits — a sort of “dream team” if you will.

    ITEM: We all think…