Court-Ordered Loneliness

In Ontario, Canada, a 24 year-old man has been ordered not to have a girlfriend for the next three years – due to a violent argument he had with his girlfriend. From the story:

Mr. Justice Rhys Morgan told a 24-year-old, characterized as having a dependent personality disorder, yesterday he could not have a girlfriend for the next three years.

The unusual order was added to Steven Cranley’s probation order after he pleaded guilty to six charges relating to an argument he had with his former girlfriend and a roommate Jan. 17.

While this may seem like an unusual punishment, some of us have already had to suffer through similar periods of not having a girfriend. For me, it was a time period commonly known as “the 1990s.” And I didn’t even need a judge to mandate it. Fortunately, I now have an in-home judge that forbids me from having girlfriends. She is often referred to as “my wife.”

There’s no doubt this guy has mental problems. But as a result, he can now look forward to three years’ worth of late nights watching Cinemax, praying to God he doesn’t recognize any of the actresses’ names in the opening credits.

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